This is going to sound strange, but sometimes can control my dreams. Usually if I think about something hard enough right before I fall asleep, I have a dream about it which I can partially manipulate. Example would be the crush I had in high school. If I thought about him hard enough and then fell asleep, I could dream about us talking or dating or whatever I felt like.
Then there are the scary dreams that my mind comes up with on it’s own that I can’t control very well, but can wake myself up when it gets too intense. These are the dreams I get when I watch horror movies before sleeping, we’re talking zombies and about to be bitten right before I wake up. I once had a dream that the world was ending and in order for the surviving humans to sustain themselves, everyone had to give up one foot. There was a huge pile of random office furniture pieces to choose from. People had chair legs, chair armrests, etc. for one of their feet. I was being stubborn in the dream and they just grabbed me and flung me onto the operating table. I remember they numbed me from the ankle down and that my foot got taken off and since I didn’t willingly choose something to replace it, they were going to give me one of those chair bottoms with the 4 wheels coming out of the base…yeah messed up stuff. They were about to put it on me when I woke myself up and checked my foot, which was tangled up in my sheets.
My most recent dream is unusual for my mind. I’ve been dreaming the same storyline for the past 4 days, but my mind is continuing the dream. I can’t change it, it’s like I’m in a movie theater watching it all play out. The story is me, in the future. I can’t tell exactly how far, but I look mostly the same so I’m assuming I’m not a grandma or anything. In the dream it’s focusing on a child, my child. The first night’s dream was about how big she’s gotten and how much she’s grown (she appears to be about 7 months old), the second night’s dream I was outside during the summer watering plants and playing with Sophie(I don’t even like that name, I’m guessing my mind remembered it was the most common name of 2010 for females and made the girl in the dream have that name.) in the garden. Third night’s dream was dropping Sophie off at a preschool/academy and seeing her day play out. Last night, the 4th night, I was picking her up at exactly 2pm and driving Sophie home to go see what daddy is up to.
This dream series is intriguing yet annoying to me for a few reasons.
1. I’m married. I looked down at my hands on the steering wheel in the car and I’m indeed married. I haven’t been able to sustain a relationship longer than 2 months, I have no idea how that leads to a healthy marriage that has lasted at least 7 months since that’s how old Sophie looks to be.
2. Why is daddy/husband home at 2pm? Why doesn’t he work? Why am I not working for that matter? How do I have the time to pick her up from school at 2pm if I work until 4pm most days?
3. Sophie is definitely a child I birthed. She has my green eyes, my curly hair, and even the birthmark that runs in my family. She is also definitely white. My relationships have always been with men of a darker color skin and different ethnicity than me, so I don’t think it’s someone I know who fathered her.
Also, why is my mind making this a series? I’ve never had a dream that continued itself. I even tried to break this the past couple of nights. I watched a comedy before bed, last night I played Resident Evil 5, it didn’t make any difference. My mind was overriding my attempts. I sort of don’t want it to continue, I don’t want to see my husband. If I do, it might influence who I decide to date now. I don’t want to be crazy and eliminate people just because my mind showed me some random man in my dream. On the flipside of that, I kind of do want to continue the dream and see the man my mind has paired me up with. Is he goofy looking? Is he old or young or around my age? Where do we live, apartment, house, shack? Is the SUV(gas-guzzling, wasteful mode of transportation) I’m driving mine or his since I currently don’t own one? And I still want to know “what daddy is up to!” Why is he home at 2pm?!? Did he take the day off? Did he want to name the kiddo Sophie?
I’m hoping that by talking and blogging about this that my mind will move on and not continue the series. I don’t like surprises, so I should be thrilled that my mind is trying to force feed me answers. At the same time I don’t want my mind trying to give me hints about my future or trying to influence my decision-making. I will decide my future, thank you. What if the husband is someone I know? What if it’s the brother of a friend, a buddy from high school, or even a former classmate? What if it’s someone I talk to? That’d be awkward! I would always wonder why my mind chose that person. I should be sleeping already since I have a busy Friday ahead of me, but I wanted to get this posted beforehand so that my mind knows I mean business and that I’m not playing around. This has to stop, some things are better left unfinished.