One of the joys of Christmas for me is casually driving through the neighborhoods and looking at the beautiful Christmas lights. Some subdivisions around here go all out. I’m talking huge, colorful displays of Christmas joy.
Tonight my sister and I hopped into my car and took an after dinner drive to check out some of the holiday goodness. She enjoys it as much as me, so with the Christmas music from the radio playing, we started our journey.
We were about 20 minutes into our enjoyment and I was turning out of a subdivision when this car came up fast behind me. The person driving must have thought my car was sexy, because their car was trying to butt rape my car when I was attempting to accelerate on the slick road..the driver also beeped at me. I was a bit sad, and starting to slowly get my scared car to move, when my sister said “How rude! If I was driving, I’d deliberately go slow since they are impatient!” My lightbulb popped on as I glanced at the speed limit sign. The roads were kinda slick anyway, so really it was acceptable to do less than the posted speed limit. Plus now that I had a butt rapist car behind me, my car should be cautious and take it’s time anyway. Funtime began, I started off doing 5 under the speed limit. The car behind me was so close that I couldn’t see the headlights in my rearview mirror and my sister even thought that they had turned off because she couldn’t see anything in her passenger mirror. We decided to look at more lights on this main road while we were on it, and decided to slow down to 10 miles under the speed limit since there was a bit of stuck snow on the road…can’t be too careful you know. The car, now seemingly in my car’s trunk, let out a loud and long beep. My sister and I started laughing hysterically, I even teared a little from the sheer happiness of my aching sides. We agreed it was fun, but I sped back up to 5 miles under the speed limit since the road wasn’t so bad on this part. As we went around a curve, I looked behind me and I could see that there were 5 cars behind the butt rapist. I felt so insanely empowered! It was beautiful in front of me, just darkness and lights on this 2 lane, no passing zone road. I controlled time for these people, these people were my unofficial Christmas light looking group, my holiday pals. My sister and I giggled some more as I drove carefully on the road, no doubt angering the impatient car behind me further. We got out to a minor highway and ended our brief, butt raping experience.
Merry Christmas you impatient turd. Don’t get mad at people for being cautious and not being able to accelerate the second they turn out of icy, snowy subdivisions. Give us people with bigger cars a chance to rev up before you beep at us from your disgusting excuse for a vehicle, thanks a bunch. Happy Holidays!