Pet Peeve: Romance Novel Characters

I read all types of books, but lately I’ve been going through a romantic phase. Today as I was starting yet another romance novel I got pushed to the limit. I couldn’t read another word in the book.The characters in the novel were the same as the book before that and the book before that and so on. Not literally the same character, but described the same regarding physical features. How on earth am I supposed to even slightly identify with the character?!?

Where can I get a man who wants me as much as he wants her? They look like they are having oodles of fun. Rawr.

She’s skinny, usually blonde or a red-head because that’s what viscounts and dukes like apparently, and of course has perfect skin. For once, why can’t she be fat or at least more meaty and have curly hair that’s hard to tame, and maybe some scars on her body? Why can’t these viscounts and lords enjoy a woman who can eat more than a meat pastry and a lemon tart? How about a woman who can devour the whole tray and pat her tummy when she’s done? I like how some of the heroines are bold and feisty personality wise, but can’t one of them just be ugly for once? Where’s my beautifully sculpted viscount who smells like roses and undresses me with his eyes?
Oh, that’s another thing, the men! All viscounts, dukes, lords, princes, etc. are just magically rock hard, have piercing eyes, have delicious kisses and body juices, automatically know how to please a woman, and are wonderful dressers. Where’s mine? He doesn’t even have to be something noble, he could work down at the fishing docks or care for the horses in a stable and I’d be happy.
Why don’t the ladies in the book swoon over the males that I’ve encountered? Chubby/Husky, dress in the dark, terrible kissers that trigger my gag reflex and have no clue what makes me happy type of guys. Do men from the romance novels even exist(exclude Fabio, I personally think he’s ugly)? I mean the author has to get her inspiration from somewhere. Maybe the ones with awesome bodies are already taken by all the authors in the world, pity, guess I picked the wrong career.
I know the females exist, they are the anorexic stick figures that are featured in celebrity magazines and fashion runways, but they just aren’t even close to me. I know these books are basically just romantic fairy tales, but still, can someone please write about a hefty sized woman who barely fits into her corset and has wild, curly brown hair? Enough with the doe-eyed girls that have pouty lips too, bring on a squinty green-eyed lady who bites her lips and makes them reddish and swollen while you’re at it.
I think it’s time for me to which to a new genre for a little bit. The zombies and infected people in a post apocalyptic world are looking very intriguing right about now.

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