Intentionally Single Lesson #5: Lists of Wants and Don’t Wants

This was one of the least fun things I did during my time. At first I was nervous to even do it because I didn’t want to automatically eliminate people just because they might not match up with everything I think I want. I ended up doing this when it was my female time of the month because then I’d be crabby and “rawr” anyway and it sounded like a good time to at least start the lists. Even though they aren’t fun, I think it’s important to record the things you are looking for and not looking for in someone so you can at least keep them in your mind. I’m a fan of not wasting my time or other people’s time, and this idea helps that. If I’m wanting someone who likes cats (I do by the way), then I’m not going to spend time getting to know someone who can’t stand them or worse, thinks abusing animals is fun. Saves us both time and a wasted future.
Care to know my lists? I will add more to them as I go along, but this is what I have as of today.
Wants:
*Non-smoker
*Likes cats, maybe dogs
*Non-abusive
*Stable
*Intellectually Stimulating
*Smells nice usually
*Healthy/In-shape/Strives to be
*Compassionate
*Respects me
*Is able to listen and discuss

I want this. Playful, happy, trusting in one another. Too much to ask for?

I didn’t put much along the lines of physical appearance for a reason. I don’t want to eliminate someone based on something that could be changed. I can’t stand long hair on men, as in down to his shoulders or longer. But it’s something that could be changed and when he’s old and wrinkly, he probably won’t have hair anyway so the problem would solve itself. I asked myself things like “If this man came into my life, if he was everything I wanted, would I be okay with eliminating him because of his current hairstyle”? My answer was no, I wouldn’t feel comfortable eliminating him because of his hair alone. I do have physical things on my longer original list, but those might change in the future.
Don’t Want:
*Dishonest men
*Pessimists
*Instability
*Someone who thinks the world will end in 2012
*Someone belonging to a crazy political party/group/organization
*Someone unhealthy or who discourages my being healthy
*Someone who yells
*Men with awful looking or bad teeth and/or general hygiene
*A frequent crossdresser/drag queen/transvestite/owner of a weird fetish
*A bad kisser
This list might seem a bit odd, but then again it’s my list and I never claimed to be normal. Some things you might not think twice about, fetish where they want to barf on you during sex? No problem! Yeah…I can’t handle that, it would be something that makes me not continue the communication.
It’s kind of neat to look at your lists and reflect on your previous relationships and realize that you didn’t go for what you were wanting. Maybe you were like me and even deliberately did things with people you knew you didn’t like, gosh we’re mean. Here’s your chance to start fresh, go after what you want, and be happy.

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