Before I did the intentionally single month, I used to just keep pushing forward. Leaving things in the past and not even looking at it to see what, if anything, needs to be changed. Over the past month, I changed and decided to at least look back on my dating/relationship life and see what might need to be tweaked. There were some odd things I noticed.
1. I’ve always overlooked white guys. All of my “longterm” relationships have been with a guy who was from a different background than me. Asian, African American/black, Phillipino, Middle Eastern, and South American to go in order. My casual fun/activities has always been with someone of a different race than myself. I’m not saying this is a good or bad thing, I’m just wondering why I did this. I didn’t deliberately eliminate white men, I guess just fate or whatever you want to call it made it this way. Maybe in the future I will try someone white.
2. I’ve never had a really long relationship. They have all lasted 6 months or less, not always by my own doing. The casual ones don’t count here, they are implied to only last a day or a weekend at most. I almost wanted to be quick and say “oh, I am not into longterm, committed relationships”, but I don’t think that’s true exactly. I feel that I ultimately wanted/still want a longterm, committed relationship with the right man. However even if he’s the wrong man I apparently still gave him a chance, knowing full well he was the wrong one.
3. I’m drawn to men who I see as intellectual. I’ve never given your average Joe with a high school diploma a chance. All of my past men, even the casuals, have had at least a bachelors degree in something.
4. I’ve been way too nice. Don’t get me wrong, nice is good and I love the way I am. I just let guys in the past get away with almost everything. This includes public and private degrading of me, being forced into 2 different engagements, abuse(mental, verbal, and physical), cheating, and even violence toward my pets. I will still be a nice person, but in the future I won’t allow my niceness to overlook things that I think, feel and know are bad. That’s definitely an unhealthy trait I had.
5. In the past, their favorites became my favorites, temporarily. It was like I was pulling a Julia Roberts from The Runaway Bride, when she keeps changing the way she likes her eggs depending on the guy’s preference. I was so stupid with this.
I love the color dark red, it’s seriously the greatest color to me. With the Asian, we both liked gold. Phillipino and I were crazy about purple and so on. I also would take on some of their hobbies. He likes hiking? Oh me too! (I really didn’t, when we broke up the first thing I thought was that I didn’t have to go hiking with him at 6am in the morning the next day). He is fascinated with betta fish and breeds them? Awesome, I’ll go out and buy 5 of them. He plays the violin, wow I did when I was in 4th grade, let me go re-learn it. He is obsessed with the number 5, wow me too, let me change my number so it has a 5 in it. Let me buy shirts with the number 5 on them while I’m at it. I’m better now, I don’t deliberately take on their hobbies and favorites. Sometimes it does happen that we have things and common, which makes things so much easier for me.
Lessons Learned from this:
-Keep my “uniqueness”, don’t deliberately take on their favorites/hobbies unless they are legitimately intriguing to me.
-If/when I decide to date again, maybe give a white guy a chance lol but not mandatory.
-Take a stand when something is wrong, don’t just let the niceness try to make it better, wrong is wrong.
-Decide if I want a longterm relationship now or later, make sure the guy knows from the beginning so no one gets let down later on. Casuals have feelings too, they are people like you and me.