Dating Roadkill

Have you ever had one of those days or weeks, where you just want to crawl into a hole, or maybe under a huge rock and just forget the world for a second? For me, that day was today. It started out wonderful, and in an instant it changed like a really sucky magic trick. I didn’t want this blog to be a “dating” blog because there’s so much more to me than that, but I need to just get some stuff off my mind so I can have a better day tomorrow.
Dating Roadkill, that’s what I’ve become this week. I don’t know if this term already exists, but it’s what I’m calling myself. Dating Roadkill is my term for someone who has gone on several bad dates/meetings. Why am I dating roadkill this week? Since Sunday, I’ve gotten stood up 4 times by 4 different men, I scared one man off in the first 10 minutes, and I fell for the seek-and-find date today. Seek-and-find date is when the person calls you and wants to meet up with you within 30 minutes, they tell you where they are and then when you’re on your way to the destination they change the location. This usually happens about 3 times and then when you are minutes from the last location, they cancel because they got tired of waiting/something came up/they forgot they had something else to do. Dating Roadkill, I’m like one of those poor animals flattened on the side of the road that someone has to scrape off the pavement. Today as I was walking Forest Park, alone, in my adorable outfit that I quickly put on to meet him, that’s exactly what I did. I walked and thought and mentally scraped myself off the dating road.
After every failed dating attempt, it gets easier to think that maybe I’m not meant for a romantic relationship. It seems like a lot of people say that they are looking for someone to “complete” them. I’m not, I’m already a complete person. People aren’t made like puzzles where you have to find the rest of your pieces in someone, you just need to find someone who is aware of your traits and makes them better. Another issue, females say they want to feel needed. I don’t, I don’t want to be needed. I want to be wanted. I expect him to be a grown man, have his life mostly in order, be able to take care of himself. I want to be wanted, as in yes he can cook dinner and feed himself, but he wants me because I make the best spinach salad he’s ever had. Or yes he has hobbies of his own, but maybe he loves it when I say something he didn’t see, a different perspective. Do these views make me not meant for a romantic relationship?
Dating Roadkill, it’s a bit sad that I’ve actually come up with this term. Does it make me sound like a serial dater? Is that a good thing? Must mean I’m pretty, right? Does it make me sound desperate if I say that right about now, I’d kill for ONE decent date?
I don’t want to make men sound bad, really. I love men, all types. They are a sexy, wonderful species of human and I know there are more good ones than bad ones. I feel like a magnet for the bad ones. The ones with no job, the ones who forgot their wallet so I cover the bill, the ones who are clinically crazy, the ones with major potty-mouths, the excessive boozers or smokers, the anti-christs, etc. Where do the good ones hang out? The ones with a decent job, non-smokers, rare potty-mouths, the ones who have a drivers license so I don’t have to pick them up, maybe even the ones who at least offer to pay for some of the bill? I know they aren’t an urban legend, I have friends who are married to them. Are they all gone? Absolutely not, there’s actually more men in the world than women, so I’m sure there has to be at least one good one left with my name on him…figuratively speaking of course. Where is he? Is he being a creeper online? Is he 2 aisles down from me in the store or library and I just missed him? Is he jogging on the other side of the park? Is he tired of dating and swore off women?
There’s a fantastic blogger online who I respect and actually am a bit intimidated by. Sometimes when things happen throughout my days, it’s like a WWJD moment. Only instead of J standing for Jesus, it stands for his name. It seems like whenever I want his take on something, I just have to find it on his blog. You know what his take would be on this Dating Roadkill? No problem for him, he’s intentionally single. After this week, intentionally single is starting to look appealing. I can’t remember the reason why he’s intentionally single, but he’s really good at it. He should start an intentionally single movement. It could be like Oprah and her no calling/texting while driving thing, only his would be something like “Intentionally Single and Proud”. Maybe not that exact name, but you get the idea. I’d join that movement, but I’d probably fail because I enjoy men too much.
Men are great at snuggling, it must be programmed in all of them. I’m a cuddle-whore so this is great for me. I enjoy being groped, fondled, hugged, nibbled on, squeezed, pulled close, whispered to, kissed, etc. I get my fill of snuggling, but it would be nice if it came from someone who I cared for and vice versa. For being a cuddle-whore, I’m actually pretty stingy with my affections and receiving them on the first date. I don’t think that is the reason why my dates fail since I have gotten callbacks, but it is something to ponder.
I would take the easy excuse and say something like “oh gee I’m too curvy that’s why no one likes me and I get stood up.” Or something referring to my looks, but I’ve actually eliminated that reason. Yes I’m curvy, but you’d be surprised at how many men actually like it. I’m not talking curvy as in 250 something pounds and almost bedridden. I mean curvy as in size 14-16 like Marilyn Monroe in all the right places. I’ve also been complimented on my face as well. The men see several pictures of me before we meet up, assuming they are from the internet, so they don’t have to worry about being surprised. I hate being surprised, in all senses of that word, so I make dang sure that I won’t “surprise” anyone with my looks. So bottom line, my looks aren’t the case.
Question time for you. Aside from the fact that I sound like a psycho or pessimist for even posting this long, obnoxious blog rambling, do I sound like an un-dateable female? What are you looking for in a date? Are you dating roadkill yourself?

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2 Responses to Dating Roadkill

  1. Wow, epic post.

    I don’t consider myself dating roadkill. Yes, like you and many others, I’ve been battered and bruised along the way, but I’m not lying face down on the side of the road with bugs crawling all over me. I’m still going. In some ways, better than I ever have before. I’m stronger and know more what I am looking for, that is, someone confident, daring, and willing to live her own life and not one that someone else puts upon them.

    I love what you have to say about being a complete person and not being needed. This is so true and is something I harp on. Love isn’t parasitism. I think it’s a free choice to extend beyond your own self to hold up another free and beautiful person.

    I don’t think you’re roadkill either. You’re frustrated, and I feel like that a lot too. But ultimately I think it’s a matter of perspective. We are complete people, and we don’t need everybody’s approval to maintain that. It’s their loss!

  2. Amanda says:

    Haha, it actually wasn’t supposed to be epic. I really just needed to purge it from my inner Amanda, it was starting to make the voices talk mean to me. I feel fine now, I think the particular incident that happened before I wrote it just like frustrated me beyond belief.
    I’m thrilled to hear that you’re not dating roadkill, I just feel like I am for short periods of time. Usually I bounce back quickly, there’s too much fun to be had in life still. I’m still trying to figure out why I can obtain dates easily like there’s no tomorrow but none of them work out past the initial one, so weird.
    Aww thank you! You’re the only other person who actually agrees with me about being a complete person. I love that whole “choice to extend beyond your own self to hold up another person”, that’s what I was trying to get at but you said it wonderfully. My friends think I’m a nutball when I explain this to them, but then again they are all married and swear up and down that you don’t know what life is until you’re married. As in I’m apparently dead now since I’m single, lovely. If dead is what I am now, what would it be if I was 80 and unmarried? Decaying?
    Thanks for reading and replying to my scary blog lol.

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